Street Photography – my favourite!
Ok so the first thing you need to understand about when you photograph someone, even a complete strange, you steal their soul. Yes really ! The camera literally sucks their brains out of their skulls and leaves them with no personality or anything else worth salvaging. Yes exactly just like them Dementors in the Harry Potter books and Lord of the Rings and all those other fantasy tales of good versus evil in parallel universes, black holes, drainpipes etc etc . .So if you must indulge in taking your camera out on the streets, beware! real people go there too and they have a nasty habit of getting in the way They do rude things like stand in front of you when your trying to take a photo and you wouldn’t want to steal their priceless souls now would you?
Anyway you shouldn’t really be taking photos in the street where people go should you because it’s wrong and immoral and people will think you’re a terrorist or a paedophile or both because they’re thick like that. Someone sooner or later will ask you what you’re doing because they’re bloody nosey and they can’t help themselves and they would have joined the police if they hadn’t had been so thick ! So ! how do you deal with people like that ? It’s really quite simple. Just smile politely, put your camera away and apologise profusely and walk away with your head bowed in shame. If you are approached by a security guard or policeman do the same thing but this time offer him ( or her ) money as a gift not a bribe to supplement their meagre income. Hand over your camera so he can delete all your images and your clothes as well. Walk home naked with a large sign around your neck with PHOTOGRAPHER written on it so people can see you’re a terrorist or paedophile or both . As you walk home find and take a large branch from a tree so you can flagellate your self with it so you’ll arrive home badly beaten and bruised, naked ! Nothing else will suffice to rid you of the evil you have just committed. Never ever never think of taking photographs of real people ever again…………….ever !
Next week other things you can do with your camera !
Here’s that photo of people looking at a ship out to sea I promised you. The ship is out at sea not the people ! Well actually they might be because they might be on another boat which is also out at sea as well.